so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize