you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
