his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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