i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
