1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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