The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
