i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
