If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
