he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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