i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
