I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
