Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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