guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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