i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
