Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
