I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
