last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its liver damage thursday
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
