I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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