So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
