i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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