Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
