If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
