Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize