I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
