im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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