i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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