I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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