dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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