I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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