woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
