allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
