how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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