be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
