I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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