I want to make a zoo with you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My cat gives me a boner
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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