i think my tv is drunk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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