I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
