Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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