How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
