You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
