i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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