Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
