If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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