it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
