I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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