i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
