Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
