Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
