You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
