She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
