TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
