You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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