These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
