I'm pants shitting drunk right now
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will pee on everything he values.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
