those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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