I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
