yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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