When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
