I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
