I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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