Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
