My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
