you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
