I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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