After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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