I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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