What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You are the jesus of drinking
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
