i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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