i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sex in a hospital.. check
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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