Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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