i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
