the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
