so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
