I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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