Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
