I am puke
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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