I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
