I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
