I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
