dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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