I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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