I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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