I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
