Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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