You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
