last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
